Blackyblog

Saturday, January 29th, 2011

The innocence of the average Indonesian is a large part of their charm, along with their generally good nature and relaxed, tolerant attitude toward foreigners. I came here after serving time in Japan and Thailand, and no matter how many decades you live there you are still treated like a frightening and unwelcome alien from a distant planet by the locals – even those who know you. It can be a pain in the ass, particularly when the fearful act is displayed by somebody you see on a daily basis.

Indonesians, on the other hand, are such a colourful collection – racially, culturally and historically – thatthey are generally relaxed and accepting around Caucasian visitors from just about anywhere. And when our attitudes or behaviour becomes too mysterious or inexplicable, they smile and say bule gila, which explains everything.


Friday, July 23rd, 2010

The people in my house had to get used to the fabulous sight of BB in his “birthday suit”, because that’s how I sometimes enjoy those leisure hours.

More than once I asked students: “How many of you have a birthday suit?” They think, they look puzzled; nobody raises their hand.

Come on!” I urge them. “You all have a birthday suit. I know you do.”


Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Indonesians are pretty much resigned to the type of medical care they get – particularly if they cant afford to dash off to Singapore or Perth when they twist their ankle. The average citizen here has probably become used to the puskesmas or posyandu, both admirable public health institutions for a developing nation, but sadly lacking in true medical expertise.


Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

She wasn’t feeling well and she couldn’t pee freely. Forty-three, blond, British and cheerful, this plump Caucasian lady aspired to become Indonesia’s first bule singer of dangdut popular songs. But first she had to see about the burning sensation when she went to urinate.

This nice plump lady and her businessman husband had no prejudice whatsoever against Indonesian medical practice… in spite of the cornucopia of horror stories they had heard, since arriving to work in Jakarta.

Still, they figured that they might as well get the best-quality medical care available locally, so they motored around to the great gleaming hospital in South Jakarta (Which Shall Remain Unnamed, like all the guilty parties in this sad narrative) – the one not far from the International School.

“I’m having trouble peeing.”

“Yes, we’ll do tests… oh this is serious. Very, very serious. You have a severe emergency indeed. We will have to operate on your urinary system immediately, right now, give you a urostomy, so hurry into the Operating Room! Quickly! Nurse!!”

The smooth-talking doctor guides her expertly by the elbow, both the plump Brits a bit shocked and confused by this sudden development. The husband later remembered that a little light bulb went on in his head: “We are being stampeded”.


Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Foreigners Blamed for Failure

‘Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved’

The haunting melody of The Beatles’ famous dirge echoed around the vast empty auction hall. Somehow, it seemed appropriate. Nobody came.

The great auction of the Indonesian archipelago in its entirety opened on Wednesday with the attendance of the high and mighty of the land. The only problem was – not a single bidder. Thus the auction was abandoned as soon as it had begun.

According to the secretary-general for the recovery and usage of precious goods in sunken countries, the blame for the failure of the auction lies squarely with foreigners. “All we obliged foreign bidders to do was pay a deposit of US$240 million, a mere one dollar for everyone in Indonesia, clearly a bargain. Yet they declined to do so, obviously as a result of a conspiracy to harm Indonesia.”

Another high official, who for obvious reasons declined to be named, concurred. “We did all we could to make the payment of the deposit easy for them, for instance, permitting them to pay in newly-minted, unused dollar bills, unfolded and only from a certain number series. What could have been simpler?” Indeed.


Sunday, May 2nd, 2010

pigs-have-wings5

My One & Only such Adventure

I really, really, really should have known better than to book my flight to Singapore online.

Not only had I been stung – more than once – buying not-as-advertised merchandise over the internet (even through reputable outlets like eBay!) but long before that I’d been a mail-order sucker, sending off money for promised goods that never matched promised fantasies when they arrived with the sorrowful-faced postman. Magic massage necklaces! Guaranteed pimple vanisher! Motor Honey! And so on.

It all seemed so easy. And AirAsia (referred to here within as “AA”, as in “ack-ack” or “anti-aircraft” or “Alkies Anonymous”) was buying big red display ads in all the local English-language media. “Fly for Free!” Hmm.  “We’ll pay you to fly with us!” Uh, well, ahh, let me think it over… “Hell, we will even give you the airplane if you fly with us!”

And so on.


Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Air Accidents not Indonesia’s Fault

In front of a huge crowd of jubilant, flag-waving Indonesians, at Soekarno-Hatta airport this afternoon a passenger plane was safely landed by Indonesian pilots without breaking it in two. This seminal event in our nation’s history gives the lie to rumours circulating in the foreign media claiming that the many air accidents here are Indonesia’s fault.


Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Indonesia Not at Fault

A number of stories have recently been circulating in the foreign media concerning the inability of certain foreign pilots to keep their aircraft engines running safely. A spokesman for the Ministry commented as follows: “It has been alleged that since this flight originated from Surabaya, some blame could be attached to Indonesia for the in-flight difficulties subsequently experienced. This is untrue.”


Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

There I was, riding my trusty Binter Merzy 200 up Jl. Sudirman to an English class, stuck behind a big smoking MetroMini bus.  I read the slogan on the rear window and had a sudden realization.


   

Location

How to get to Ya-Udah: show these directions to the taxi driver. He might be able to refer to the Area Map below but don't count on it.


 
 
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