The Ministry of Information has kindly informed the public that there is virtually NO inflation in Indonesia today, and so all 250 million of you can rest easy.

I think what they omitted to say was that there is ‘no inflation for the Ministry of Information’.

For the rest of us hard-working, worried Indonesian businesspeople this is strange news indeed. When we look at the prices for our raw materials we wonder what planet the Ministry dwells upon.

Alas, we must regretfully inform our valued clientele that while YaUdah Bistro has sat hard on prices and not raised them for the past two and a half years, we must at this point surrender to reality (not the reality of the aforementioned Ministry) and impose slight increases, which you will notice when you peruse our new and beautiful (ha) Menucard, D-day, Wednesday the 28th of September 2011.

Kindly do not have a heart attack on the premises as the over-worked, not-very-sympathetic staff will simply dump your warm body onto Jalan Johar for the scavengers to work over. The increases aren’t such a big deal, in view of what you pay for everything else these days.

Eat, drink and be merry! Let’s all have a big happy toast to the continuing flow of Happy News from the Government!

Your comments : http://www.yaudahbistro.com/cms/contact/

Pork Chop - IDR 67.500,-

A Fine Tender Juice “Pork Chop”, Pre – pan fried and finished on charcoal grill, served with a side dish of your choice.

Pork Neck Steak - IDR 59.000,-

250 gram juicy Pork Neck Steak cuts grilled to perfection.

Served with a side dish of your choice.

Pork Knuckle - IDR 175.000

A huge pork knuckle (approximately 1,5 kilos) directly from the grill.

Comes with cabbage salad, boiled potatoes and mustard.

Allow for 1 hour preparation or simply pre-order by sms to 0811.982.587 (English only)

]]> http://www.yaudahbistro.com/cms/2011/06/29/new-pork-specials/feed/ 0 http://www.yaudahbistro.com/cms/2011/01/29/irony-deficiency/ http://www.yaudahbistro.com/cms/2011/01/29/irony-deficiency/#comments Sat, 29 Jan 2011 19:07:30 +0000 admin http://www.yaudahbistro.com/cms/?p=294 The innocence of the average Indonesian is a large part of their charm, along with their generally good nature and relaxed, tolerant attitude toward foreigners. I came here after serving time in Japan and Thailand, and no matter how many decades you live there you are still treated like a frightening and unwelcome alien from a distant planet by the locals – even those who know you. It can be a pain in the ass, particularly when the fearful act is displayed by somebody you see on a daily basis.

Indonesians, on the other hand, are such a colourful collection – racially, culturally and historically – thatthey are generally relaxed and accepting around Caucasian visitors from just about anywhere. And when our attitudes or behaviour becomes too mysterious or inexplicable, they smile and say bule gila, which explains everything.

One definitive moment for me was the news report of a group of innocent (stupid) university students – from Semarang, if I’m not mistaken – distributing a caricature of The Smiling General in an unlikely pose of holding a champagne cocktail in one hand and a slim young lady, perched on his knee, in the other.

I say it was unlikely because the Bapak, as he was fearfully referred to, was not really known to be that fond of stray ladies, unlike the cheerful sex fiend who preceded him. What Soeharto liked was, according to trusted accounts, cows. He was happiest when ensconced up at his ranch in Tapos, gazing at his herd of cattle.

Those surrounding him were, as usual, the most dangerous ones, as they competed to show their zealous loyalty.

Thus, military intelligence quickly located the young culprit and whacked him for insulting the Head of State. And the law they used, with absolutely no sense of irony, was a Dutch colonial era statute aimed at punishing anyone who insulted the Head of State, namely, Queen Wilhelmina!

Look at what some joker has done to the neon name of the Hotel Kaisar (No, not “The Kaiser’s Hotel” but rather the “Hotel Imperial”), erected recently at the intersection of Jl. Duren Tiga and Jl. PasarMinggu:

Look at what some joker has done to the neon name of the Hotel Kaisar (No, not “The Kaiser’s Hotel” but rather the “Hotel Imperial”), erected recently at the intersection of Jl. Duren Tiga and Jl. PasarMinggu:

For the linguistically challenged among you, by deleting one letter the name of the institution has now become the “Hotel [take your pick below]”:

1. 1. backwoods
2. verb
   1. be insolent
3. adjective
   1. rough
   2. coarse
   3. rude
   4. crude
   5. harsh
   6. gross
   7. rugged
   8. abusive
   9. violent
   10. raw
   11. brute
   12. abrasive
   13. menial
   14. vulgar
   15. grainy
   16. rustic
   17. gruff
   18. heavy
   19. brutal
   20. crass
   21. brusque
   22. ragged
   23. bearish
   24. unkind
   25. abrupt
   26. tough
   27. brutish
   28. unpolished
   29. uncouth
   30. leathery
   31. curt
   32. low
   33. outrageous
   34. foul
   35. rough-hewn
   36. ugly
   37. disrespectful
   38. impolite
   39. ornery
   40. craggy
   41. churlish
   42. shoddy
   43. shaggy
   44. discourteous
   45. fresh
   46. knockabout
   47. insolent
   48. ungracious
   49. coarse-grained
   50. boisterous
   51. short
   52. common
   53. boorish
   54. roughshod
   55. impudent
   56. rambunctious
   57. atrocious
   58. indelicate
   59. broad
   60. round
   61. truculent
   62. surly
   63. raggy
   64. impolitic
   65. low-lived
   66. lowbred
   67. scurrilous
   68. currish
   69. swinish
   70. ill-bred
   71. scurvy
   72. doggish
   73. gimcrack
   74. ill-mannered
   75. randy
   76. sledge-hammer
   77. snappish
   78. hard-handed
   79. rank
   80. inelegant
   81. roistering
   82. roisterous
   83. nervy
   84. caddish

[A tip of the hat and “Thanks!” to the indefatigable Google Translate]

Just to make my point more sharply, they haven’t fixed this prominent neon sign for months. I dare say nothing about the, ahem, reputed female clientele of this fine, modern hostelry, except that “if the shoe fits, wear it”. (No reason to take a chance of being sued for libel by a fellow business, ha ha).

The absence of irony was driven home early in my career as an ESL teacher in Indonesia. I had a class of civil servants, pegawainegeri, studying at ALT under a contract with BKKBN or BNI ’46 or PTIK.

Student waltzes into an 8.00am class, smiling broadly and greeting everyone loudly (therefore interrupting the flow of learning) forty minutes late.

I scowl and say “Well good evening!” and the latecomer, taken aback, replies “No! It’s still morning!”

How do you fight that? I surrender.

Actually a few of the local intelligentsia do exhibit a certain sense of the ironic, as evidenced by their commentary when the 32-year-long serving Soeharto was abandoned and marginalized, often by the very same people he had raised to wealth and power: this had been the fate of his predecessor, who was also pushed roughly aside when events got out of control.

“It’s like a Chinese melodrama film” they would say. I think so.

Finally, I present to you a poignant visual that I would consider the ultimate irony of Twentieth-Century history, a kind of “Who won the war, Daddy?” punctuation:

You peruse this early 1960s postcard of Pancoran and you will note a sprinkling of vehicles from various manufacturers from varied countries: an American Jeep, a German VW, what looks to be a Taurus (German Ford), a dumpy-looking British sedan, a late-model Chevy, also an Indian 3-wheeled Badjai, and so on.

Not one Japanese or Korean car.

Today, of course, you would only rarely see any vehicle from the West (except, of course, for the doctor or the entrepreneur in his Merzy or Beemer). I was working on an annual report for the biggest non-Astra Toyota dealer in Jakarta two years ago. They had decided to discontinue their Chevrolet dealership. The number sold across the archipelago the previous year: 46.

Game over.And oh yes those weren’t really Chevrolets, just rebadged Korean clunkers (like the Timor, and that’s irony embodied as well).

You will undoubtedly remember the pained scream issuing from Ya-Udah Bistro, pointedly expressing our displeasure at being confronted with the PT Coca Cola Amatil Tbk. policy of discontinuing the familiar 295 ml glass bottles of Coke, Sprite, Soda and allied beverages, only to have these replaced by PET Plastic bottles or Alu-cans – and oh yes, all to be sold to you, the soft drinking public, at happily inflated prices. Bad move, bad PR.

Well, the sands of time have trickled by, and we were honoured in fact with a surprise visit by the Coca Cola people themselves.

No, they did not come to issue irate complaints about our irate complaints. On the contrary, they were most accommodating, to our delight.

In a nutshell, and to cut what must be to you a lengthy and boring story short, Coca Cola has done a volte-face, revoking its recent packaging decision. What does this mean to us and to you? Well, the 295 ml glass bottles are available once more.

Good heavens, what could have happened to bring about such an astonishing change of mind? It couldn’t have been the annoying yapping of the Ya-Udah on its website, by any chance?

More likely, some bright mind at the local Coca-Cola bottler has  seen the light! (In fact, this will go down as one of the Mysteries of the Age, and we will probably never know).

Be that as it may, we are happy to get back on track with the world’s largest soft drink producer, and moreover, happy to be able to serve our Customers again the larger bottles, championing as always our strict Ya-Udah “value-for-money” policy.

More than once I asked students: “How many of you have a birthday suit?” They think, they look puzzled; nobody raises their hand.

“Come on!” I urge them. “You all have a birthday suit. I know you do.”

Now they’re looking suspicious: they know their teacher is full of tricks and jokes, and this has to be one.

“It’s the suit you were born in” I patiently explain.

Here is my serious proposal: if the black-clad devotees of the faith insist they have the right to cruise city streets swathed in black, or “strafe the Straße” completely covered and opaque, why can’t I walk along the sidewalk dressed in the natural finery of my Birthday Suit? Why should I have to wear clothes when I go outside?

The fact is, I do love to go naked, and I don’t want to have to go to some boring nudist camp, with pot-bellied German businessmen and their mean-faced wives showing off their wrinkles. I’d like very much to be able to waltz down the boulevard, wave at passing cars (HONK HONK), my charming uncut dick proudly swinging in the breeze.

What, you object?!?! Immoral? Indecent? But this is part of my religion! My faith stipulates that I shall feel free to commune with nature and be cool as a dolphin as well, and if you don’t like the idea of bumping into me as I march through the mall, balls swinging in a merry rhythm of tan tan tanuki no kintama waaaa, then you certainly do not have to stare at me. I do not charge extra for averted eyes, but give no refunds on gawkers’ tickets.

There are, alas, laws against nudity. They have the effrontery to call this “indecent exposure”? But dear God, this is how I came into the world! This is my original, custom-tailored Birthday Suit.

Those adhering to other religions will alas protest. I recall the two Iranian labourers, living in Japan, who attempted to enter a sento (inexpensive public bath) but refused to disrobe completely. They insisted on wearing their undergarments into the steamy bathing room, although the custom is for all Japanese men (and women, next door) to strip down for the soaking and washing (though it is customary to carry a towel in front of your equipment).

The Iranians were promptly ejected; the sento has a large NO FOREIGNERS ALLOWED sign prominently displayed, alas, as the overkill response to those who simply could not allow themselves to be seen as the good Lord created them (not that they’d be that attractive anyway).

The Mormons, a weird and dangerously wealthy cult in the weird and dangerously wealthy United States, are required to wear magic underwear at all times. Even when they are undergoing a major surgical operation they have to keep the underwear on one leg. For those embarrassing bodily functions like pooping or making babies (the only function of sex, by the way) a flap unbuttons temporarily. (If you find this hard to believe just google-image it up).

Nudity is a powerful expression, and that may be why it (like the burqa) comes under the alarmed jurisdiction of legislators in European countries (France just banned wearing burqas in public). Back in Canada, the Doukhobors, a Russian (Christian) religious sect whose name literally translates as “spirit wrestlers”, upon occasion engage in spirited protests by marching en masse down British Columbia city streets stark naked.

Here’s a group from the early 1900s, making their protest. Not a burqa to be seen among them, alas.
On the other hand, the women do wear a Christian version of the jilbab, so figure that one out:

Nudity in Europe is no big thing, particularly in the Northern regions, where it is part of the sun-and-health movement. Sylt, the fourth-largest German island is well-known for its nude bathing. Wiki: “Today, Sylt is mainly a tourist attraction, famous for its healthy climate, and the many German celebrities who own houses on the island. The beach even has a nude section.” But look at the latitude! Freeze yo’ balls off!!

How about a linkage, this author modestly proposes? If societies allow minorities to force their womenfolk into wearing full ninja garb (something which has nothing to do with religion, by the way – check it out) then they should permit the other extreme as well.

Just wait until you see me strolling down the boulevard, me and my totally nude monkeys! No don’t faint away!

However, in the interest of balance, it’s only fair to find out what Coca Cola-Indonesia has to say. Although I can find nothing more recent than this page from Coca-Cola Foundation Indonesia (CCFI) and Coca Cola’s Corporate Responsibility Report 2008 (.pdf), they do say a lot.

Live Positively is our commitment to make a positive difference in the world by redesigning the way we work and live so sustainability is part of everything we do.

Really, Coca Cola? “Everything“? Really?

Why is there no mention in the letter to Ya ‘Udah of Coca Cola’s commitment to recycle the aluminum cans which “could be re-sold per kg in the market.” Are they going to collect them from Ya ‘Udah and their other outlets? And if so, what do they plan to do with them? I doubt that they’ve established a network among the omnipresent scavengers and NGOs.

If they haven’t, they could try the XS Project who inform me that they “are now working with corporations to turn their trash into treasures.”

And what of PET bottles which are being churned out in their billions, yet Ya ‘Udah et al are expected to deal with?

Polyethylene terephthalate (sometimes written polyethylene terephthalate, commonly abbreviated PET, PETE, or the obsolete PETP or PET-P), is a thermoplastic polymer resin of the polyester family and is used in synthetic fibers; beverage, food and other liquid containers; thermoforming applications; and engineering resins often in combination with glass fiber.

Read more about this on Jakartass: http://jakartass.net/2010/07/hokey-pokey-coca-cola/