Ask anybody anywhere if they are cannibals? POW! You just got a black eye.
‘Hey! Don’t insult my people!’
Except for a few merry Brazilian Indians or the stalwart, warlike Melanesians inhabiting the highlands of Papua New Guinea, you’ll have a hard time discovering anyone who will admit to consuming human flesh.
Now a logical analysis of this innocent news account from The Jakarta Post unveils some puzzling inconsistencies. We do not have any information on how popular or respected a certain Bapak Soleman Bauk was, or whether he was a pillar of the community. But it would be fair to say that nobody planned to eat him. (Excepting the three-hundred-million-year-old smiling amphibian.)
But to eat the flesh of the creature who has recently dined on poor Soleman? The fisherman whose parts were cluttering up the guts of the croc? Hey, that’s second-hand cannibali-
OOps! Too late.
‘Croc was good eating. We got revenge for Brother Soleman.’
(OK if you say so…) (But I still think it is a failure of logical reasoning.)(But I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and my opinion to myself about such matters…)
Now we request of all hungry patrons not to come barging into Ya Udah Bistro, demanding a fresh crocodile steak. As much as we would love to serve you fresh croc, we are temporarily indisposed. The last half-dozen employees we sent out to East Kalimantan to snare the scaly amphibians haven’t come back yet. Nor did the previous half-dozen (six months ago). We don’t know what became of them but we are still trying.
Speaking of which you may know that the most successful junk food I mean fast food (no, I mean ‘junk food’) empire in the world, McDonalds, was misnamed. Here, let me quote from the JF Kings’ expensive website: ‘In 1917, 15-year-old Ray Kroc lied about his age to join the Red Cross as an ambulance driver, but the war ended before he completed his training. He then worked as a piano player, a paper cup salesman and a Multimixer salesman.
‘In 1954, he visited a restaurant in San Bernardino, California that had purchased several Multimixers. There he found a small but successful restaurant run by brothers Dick and Mac McDonald, and was stunned by the effectiveness of their operation. They produced a limited menu, concentrating on just a few items – burgers, fries and beverages – which allowed them to focus on quality and quick service.
‘They were looking for a new agent and Kroc saw an opportunity. In 1955, he founded McDonald’s System, Inc., a predecessor of the McDonald’s Corporation, and six years later bought the exclusive rights to the McDonald’s name. By 1958, McDonald’s had sold its 100 millionth hamburger.’
No no, sorry to say Ya Udah Bistro is temporarily out of shark, whale, crocodile and deepsea monsters.
Now tell me please dear hungry patron (hopefully not recently poisoned by American junk food) why in the devil did the ambitious Mister Ray Croc not name them ‘CrocBurgers’? Honestly.
No no, sorry to say Ya Udah Bistro is temporarily out of shark, whale, crocodile and deepsea monsters. We do however have a full array of delectable flying beasts – chicken prepared lovingly in a number of styles (but you have to be patient for it) – swimming things (be sure to try the home-made smoked snapper: it is delicate and exquisite) – and land mammals (hello piggy hello cow where’s the goats Ahmed?).
Open all the time to serve you properly. No not to serve you to the crocodiles: that was Idi Amin’s practical joke.