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You can’t make it – so fake it

January 22, 2020 12:25 am Published by

It is an era of fakery. Those whom we have relied on and kept the faith with – have failed us. Worse, they have annoyed us.

Remember ‘Clippy’?
(Maybe you don’t want to remember Clippy)

Microsoft killed it before the public could organize a lynch mob to go kill Microsoft (something that has happened on more than one occasion: remember Windows 3.1? No? Good).

Hungry? What do you mean you never heard of ‘Trump Steaks’? They were on the market for…
…well, for a good two months before they disappeared into a swamp of misteaks…
…along with Trump Airlines, Trump University, Trump MAGAland…

Hey, how’s about an EXPLODING CELL PHONE?

Oh sure you must remember the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 – it’s only been a couple of years since it came out… …and you are still today not allowed to carry them onto airplanes. Samsung wanted to make this snazzy model slim, slimmer, slimmest – so they jammed the battery in tighter than tight. Battery heats up, battery swells, battery has nowhere to push to, AND:

Who can you trust? What product is not going to disappoint you…

…or, like the delightful Boeing 737 Max 800, kill you?

So there’s an accident – but what if somebody deliberately sets out to fool you, with fake information… or fake news?

You may think the phenomenon is a recent one, born out of the ‘Wild West’ atmosphere of the internet, where anything goes and nothing sticks (it’s not printed so it simply vanishes from screens). Well there partner, here’s some info for you: it’s NOT. As The Economist looks back to the Nineteenth Century, we see that fake news is indeed a hallowed tradition:

‘Giant man-bats that spent their days collecting fruit and holding animated conversations; goat-like creatures with blue skin; a temple made of polished sapphire.

These were the astonishing sights witnessed by John Herschel, an eminent British astronomer, when, in 1835, he pointed a powerful telescope “of vast dimensions” towards the Moon from an observatory in South Africa. Or that, at least, was what readers of the New York Sun were told in a series of newspaper reports.

This caused a sensation. People flocked to buy each day’s edition of the Sun. The paper’s circulation shot up from 8,000 to over 19,000 copies, overtaking the Times of London to become the world’s bestselling daily newspaper. There was just one small hitch. The fantastical reports had in fact been concocted by Richard Adams Locke, the Sun’s editor. Herschel was conducting genuine astronomical observations in South Africa. But Locke knew it would take months for his deception to be revealed, because the only means of communication with the Cape was by letter. The whole thing was a giant hoax – or, as we would say today, “fake news”. This classic of the genre illuminates the pros and cons of fake news as a commercial strategy – and helps explain why it has re-emerged in the internet era.’

Nobody got arrested; nobody went to jail. The floodgates opened up to a deluge of fake stories, best illustrated by rags like the National Enquirer (a.k.a. ‘The National Perspirer’).

Well there is obviously a market for it, or otherwise they wouldn’t keep publishing such trash.

Do people maybe like to be fooled? Are their lives so barren and boring that they’re desperate for excitement?

French painting expert Eric Turquin poses on April 12, 2016 in Paris with Judith cutting off the head of Holofernes, presented as being painted by Italian artist Caravaggio (1571-1610), while experts are still to determine its authenticity. Photo courtesy Patrick Kovarik/AFP/Getty Images.

It is certainly rife in the world of art: not only do forgers make tons of money painting fake Modigliani, Picasso, Dali, Rubens and other classic masterworks, but the galleries and collectors who buy and hang onto them keep mum about it. Nobody wants to admit they’ve been swindled out of $450,000 for a painting some expert assured them was authentic.

There is a marvelous film about Elmyr de Hory, one of the most famous art forgers of our time: Orson Welles narrates ‘F for Fake’, and there are also appearances by such luminaries as author Clifford Irving, who ended up in prison after publishing a totally made-up ‘autobiography’ of reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes.


…when it may or may not influence the election of a President of the United States of America. And secret Russian Federation hackers were said to be involved.

And Hillary Clinton and the Steele Dossier (pee-tapes) and George Soros and the Ukranians and on and on the circus goes.

For ‘The Donald’, a notorious liar from way back, to be screaming ‘FAKE’ is ‘the pot calling the kettle black’ or as the Indonesians say ‘Maling teriak “MALING!”’ (‘The thief screams “THIEF!”’)

The Washington Post, no friend of ‘President ManBaby’, has listed the falsehoods uttered by ‘Orange Man’, and undoubtably believed by his gullible followers. It makes wonderful reading.

Now if you believe that you are a good wholesome citizen and a great candidate for a fine meal at Ya Udah Bistro, where authentic Euro-Asian cuisine, tasty, hygienic and perfectly prepared, is always at the ready.

Nothing at all ‘fast-foody’ or ‘fake food’ at Yaudah Bistro, as legions of repeat customers will testify, over the past couple of decades (although the elderly Menteng residents sitting around speaking Dutch appear to have died off by now – they were a charming sight reminding all of the good old days…).

You will see parties of Japanese company office-workers celebrating; you’ll witness huge extended families celebrating; you’ll see the dignified and the hippy-fied. All having a great time with great drink and food.

Now also open in fashionable Serpong; enjoy food, drink and the joys of smoking in a pleasant outdoor environment or if it’s too warm for you go inside where it’s air-conditioned and the righteous non-smokers can celebrate as well, non-smoking to their hearts’ content.

Spend an evening with us, enjoying the elegant, polite mood, good company and a breezy outdoor atmosphere where you can smoke and laugh and yell. That’s the truth of the matter.

Hey, thanks for reading our Ya Udah Bistro blog. Please check out some of the earlier newsletters on the Ya Udah Bistro website. We do appreciate your comments on these fanciful expositions as well. All Comments welcome!



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